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Thursday, January 4, 2007
Sardar Jokes 2
************************************************** *****************************
A Sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It's doubly interesting", said the Sardar. To start from the middle; keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning.
************************************************** *****************************
A Sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,
"Abey *****! Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension!
Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The Sardarji shouted back,
"And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director.
"Good!", replied the Sardarji and put down the phone!
************************************************** *****************************
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body
was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to
have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly.The sardar liked the idea.
A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off
his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!
************************************************** *****************************
There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business. They had a lot of discussions on the type
of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the
hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but
nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day.
A week passed but nobody turned up.
WHY ? -B'coz there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"
************************************************** *****************************
After the failure of their hotel they decided to start
an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing
equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars
waited that day for the first car to arrive butno car
entered their garage. WHY ?
B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on the
good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier
Padmini running on CNG and began to look for
passengers. They drew past Church Gate but nobody
hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet
nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati
Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi.
In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai
but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY ?
B'coz all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.
************************************************** ***************************** All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb an
decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole
day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move
even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and
start the next day. The next day the story repeated
itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a
whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge. WHY ?
B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.
__________________
Sardar Jokes
SARDAAR JOKES
sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by an air- india plane.
He was allotted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array.
But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady.
After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.
But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".
The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.
But sardarji was adamant and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immediately left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji. Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
:)
************************************************** *********************************
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a
…..
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
:)
************************************************** ********************************
COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
:)
************************************************** ******************************
CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its leg sand angrily exclaims "71st and *again* bare feet!"
:)
************************************************** ********************************
LONG FLIGHT
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," comes an answer.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!
:)
************************************************** ********************************
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
:)
************************************************** ************************************
You can be sure that the person is Sardar when he: :)
* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. :)
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out. :)
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it. :)
* tries to drown a fish in waters. :)
* thinks socialism means partying. :)
* trips over a cordless phone. :)
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. :)
* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius." :)
* studies for a blood test and fails. :)
* sells the car for gas money. :)
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead. :)
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home. :)
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor. :)
************************************************** ********************************** Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Sardar: "No, who wrote it?" :)
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if heshould cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." :)
************************************************** **********************************
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed. :)
************************************************** **********************************
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear. :)
************************************************** **********************************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth. :)
************************************************** *********************************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday. :)
************************************************** *********************************
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought. :)
************************************************** ***********************************
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday. :)
************************************************** ***********************************
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe. :)
************************************************** **********************************
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff. :)
************************************************** *********************************
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel. :)
************************************************** *********************************
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head. :)
************************************************** *******************************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back. :)
************************************************** *********************************
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!). :)
************************************************** ********************************
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh. :)
************************************************** **********************************
Why does Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken. :)
************************************************** ****************************
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First. :)
************************************************** ************************************
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it. :)
************************************************** ***********************************
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone. :)
************************************************** ***********************************
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house. :)
************************************************** *********************************
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where,Where?" :)
************************************************** ***********************************
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them. :)
************************************************** **********************************
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head. :)
************************************************** *********************************
TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos.
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
:):):)
************************************************** ********************************** ANOTHER COUNT!
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86".
He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"
The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know,I can let you go under there and find out.
He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay."
The man lifts the manhole cover. He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it
yelling "87, 87, 87"...
:):):)
************************************************** ********************************
EMPLOYMENT?
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column, Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
:):):)
************************************************** ********************************
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defense secrets.
The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani!(mosquito net)
He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.
His friends ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?"
Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hai ke agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh(No Assumptions Please!) joins the army.
Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearing nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ke vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha,aur tu nunga chale gaya"
Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha"!
:):):)
************************************************** *********************************
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover is ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.
He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands.
So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."
:):):)
************************************************** *****************************
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat. But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh.
He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?"
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "
:):):)
************************************************** **********************************
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics.
They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"
Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!
************************************************** **********************************
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent. The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "All right, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
************************************************** ***************************** Once Zail singh was relaxing in a park. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg. Walking up to him they asked him,
"Sir are you relaxing?" Zail singh replied, "No, I am Zail Singh!"
The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Zail Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a bench near him and asked, "Are you relaxing?" The man replied, "Yes, why do you ask?" Zail Singh answered with satisfaction, "Then those kids are probably looking for you!"
************************************************** **********************************
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, 'Wash Basin' ".
************************************************** **********************************
A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".
************************************************** **********************************
Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225." came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door.
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief'."
************************************************** **********************************
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
************************************************** **********************************
Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
************************************************** **********************************
A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the husband's witticisms
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun.
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A. Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.
************************************************** **********************************
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge.... think............. "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar on cycle hit lady accidentally, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?"
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
************************************************** **********************************
Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 1000 letters in it? Banta singh: Post office.
************************************************** **********************************
Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga mita dunga mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber hi nahi dunga nahi dunga nahi dunga.
************************************************** **********************************
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."
************************************************** **********************************
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
************************************************** **********************************
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "****, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
************************************************** **********************************
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
************************************************** **********************************
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the nexyt day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"? Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"
************************************************** **********************************
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price . Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
************************************************** **********************************
How can you confuse a Sardarji?
By asking him to find the corner of a circle!
how will he confuse you?
By finding one!
************************************************** **********************************
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railwaystation. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train toLudhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
************************************************** **********************************
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
************************************************** *****************************
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
************************************************** *****************************
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
************************************************** *****************************
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
************************************************** *****************************
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
************************************************** *****************************
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
************************************************** *****************************
Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some
sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the
pub-owner. So the two Sardars swapped (exchanged) their sandwiches.
************************************************** *****************************
A passerby watched two Sardarjees in a park. One was digging holes and
the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.
Today Balwant is off, because he is ill. But that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off!
************************************************** *****************************
"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarjee in the ship.
Italian: How far is land, from here?
Sardarjee: Two miles.
Italian: Only two miles, then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian: Just tell me which side; is land two miles from here? Sardarjee: Downwards
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